Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
