turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
