This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
