I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
