i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
