bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize