I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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