Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
