FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
