i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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