I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
