do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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