This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
