drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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