'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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