Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hippo gnu deer
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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