Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
