I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
