Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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