remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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