the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
