my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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