My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
