Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
