: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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