I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you had me at cake vodka
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
