if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
As shirtless as possible
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
