What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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