I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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