We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
