oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
