I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
