I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
