ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
