I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
