The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There r osticjed everywhere
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
