He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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