I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize