Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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