My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
