I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
