I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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