drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
