Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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