I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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