I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
