Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
