Cold hands, warm shart.
youre lurking in front of me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
