shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
love makes seman taste better
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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