that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize