I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
