apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
