Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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