I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
