he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My life is pants optional.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
