I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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