I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
