So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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