maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
