idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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