Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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