Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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