Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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