My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
