I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
