One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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