"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
