im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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