I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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