i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize