he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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