I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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